1994
I’m getting tired of being legendary and broke
And I’m too damn wierd to hold no straight job
My checkbooks feeling unfulfilled
Being an old underground die-hard
Won’t pay the kid’s dental bills
My Dad sez I got to learn to compromise
So I figure now’s about that time
Now that I’ve run out of things to say
That alone will make my music Pay
Buy my snake oil
I used to be so angry
I aint getting any younger
Now I’m eager to please
C’mon and buy my snake oil
Till my well runs stinking dry
I’ll be your Rondo Hatton
I’ll be your Dwight Frye
Get mighty jealous watching
my old roomates getting signed
The world owes me a living
I want my taste of the pie
Woh-oh-oh
Buy my snake oil
Meet my new band : Tits Ass and Money
The most meaningless deliberateley watered down music I have ever made
Sing about my self instead of what’s going on
Company tells me how my records should sound
Do what my manager tells me to
Every inch a rockin dude
Random shuffling same old cards
Bring on the night, she done me wrong
I love my weenie and I love my car
Man it’s such hell being a rock -n- roll star
I’ll tour ‘till you wish I’d go home
Moan about my life on the road
200 overdubs to sound sincere
From now on every album sleeve’s
Just a great big picture of me
Buy my snake oil
Critics cheer how I’ve matured
Got top management behind me, man
Phone rings like never before:
"I grew up on your stuff, man
it means so much to me.
I can hear it jinglin’ now
In commercials selling beer..."
I got wiggle girl videos
In heavy rotation
If I dye my skin white enough
I’ll buy me the elephant man
Woh-oh-oh
Buy my snake oil
And remember you got what you pay for
And if that doesn’t work
I’ve got another idea
Now that I’ve signed on the dotted line
I’ll call my music alternative
Same word those lovely people used
To hype the Knack in 1980
Join the
College dollar emo-jangle
Spoiled white music for spoiled white people
Pat those slackers on the head
To stroke and profit off of thier fears:
"Yeah man, It’s Okay
Feel sorry for yourself all day
Life sucks cause it aint easy
Hapiness should be handed to me..."
Buy my snake oil
Cleansed of vision and sense
I’ll bet your bottom dollar
You’ll let me get away with this
I’ll be your preganant junkie
Help you sell cigarettes
Or a lonely tortured muscle hunk
That no one understands
Punk without rebellion
We call it grunge for you
I’ll dress just like Don Henley
And sing just like him too
Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo
Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo
Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo
Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo
(repeat till Burger King espresso arrives)
Down by the stream where my baby left me
I stand in my flannel shirt looking confused
A voice in the bushes say, "You got that look,
I’m from Geffen records How’d you like a million bucks."
O woh ho Poor pitiful me
Born white in the worlds richest country
I can’t have my way life is so depressing
Nothing’s as important as me and my girl
And if that still doesn’t work
I got another idea
Give in
Ride the punk nostalgia wave
For all it’s worth
Recycle the name of my old band
For a big reunion tour
Sing all those hits from the "good ol’ days"
‘Bout how bad the good ol’ days were
And the orthodox
Fundamentalist faction of the crowd
Will say "Hooray!"
How politically correct
He’s quit trying diffeent ideas at last
Obeying the same kind of stodgy rules
Punk used to rebel against
Buy my snake oil
This is all I’ve got to say
Unless this is your radio
Looks like you already have
Yeah, keep buying my snake oil
‘Til my well runs stinking dry
I’ll be your institution
Until the day I die
Who cares if inspirations gone
It’s safe in this here stall
I’ll give the fans just what they want
And nothing else at all
Woh-oh-oh
Buy my snake oil
Buy, Buy, Buy B-B-Buy-Buy
My snake oil
And remember
I did it all for the scene
Love Me I’m a Liberal
I cried when they shot John Lennon
Tears ran down my spine
And I cried when I saw "JFK"
As if I’d lost a father of mine
But Malcom-X and Ice-T had it coming
They got what they asked for this time
Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I’m a liberal
I go to pro-choice rallies
Recycle my cans and jars
I’ll honk if you love the Dead
Hope those funny Grunge bands become stars
But don’t talk about revolution
That’s going a little bit to far
Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I’m a liberal
I cheered when Clinton was chosen
My faith in the system reborn
I’ll do anything to save our schools
If my taxes aint too much more
And I love Blacks and Gays and Latinos
As long as they don’t move next door
Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I’m a liberal
Rush Limbaugh and the L.A.P.D.
Should all hang thier heads in shame
I can’t understand where they’re at
Arsenio should set them straight
But if neighborhood watch doesn’t know you
I hope the cops take your name
Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I’m a liberal
Yeah, I read the New Republican
Rolling Stone and Mother Jones too
If I vote it’s a democrat
With a sensible economy view
But when it comes to terrorist Arabs
There is no one more red, white, and blue
Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I’m a liberal
Once I was young and had an attitude
Stickers covered the car I drove in
Even went on some direct actions
When there weren’t rent-a-cops to be seen
Ah, but now I’ve grown older and wiser
And that’s why I’m turning you in
Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I’m a liberal
Burgers of Wrath
Crossin the land
On vacation
Saw lots of families
So much like ours
All they got left
Piled in thier cars
Can’t get those desperate faces
Off our minds
But now we’re stuck
On that same road
Company shipped our jobs
To Mexico
Soup is good food
You made a good meal
But don’t blame us
Blame the Japanese
Seasons of rust
Age of decline
Make cars that fall apart
People get wise
More sour grapes that never
Turn into wine
Just Burgers of wrath
Reached the Northwest
There’s nothing left
Forest strip-mined away
The fish are dead
Executives
Twist things around
Got people they wiped out
All blaming owls
The ranger says she hates to
As she kicks us out
Our 30 days are up
At this campground
Tourist yell, "Get a job!"
There’s none around
Just burgers of wrath
Par for the course
We’re on the streets
Whole family beggin change
In fog city
New job don’t mean
Roof over our heads
Can’t save enough
For first and last months rent
Try not to snap
Don’t hit the kids
It’s bad enough
Growing up like this
A storage space
Guard shines a light
We huddle in our locker
Quiet as mice
Just like mice
We’ve even got
Turberculosis on the rise
Thousand more banks fail
Yet, the crisis is denied
President says, "Sacrifice..."
There’s no new deal this time
Just burgers of wrath
More burgers of wrath
Nostalgia for an Age that Never Existed
Fake 50’s clothes
Fake 50’s food
Classic gas-guzzling dream cars
In more ads on the tube
Fake home-made cookies
Like Mommy used to make
Nostalgia for an age
That never existed
Do you remeber
Art-deco knick-knacks and flings
The stars on the silver screen
Made you forget Hooverville
View the world
Through Time Life and Nick-at-Nite
Nostalgia for an age
That never existed
All the stars had a pretty face
Children and negroes knew thier place
Blocks of happy families
With Moms and Dads all in love
Or are these wholesome memories
Really from reruns on TV
Fake sixties
Mask our leaders sleaze
Is it really a new beginning
With Confederate Kennedys?
Fake Camelot
Before everything went wrong
Nostalgia for an age
That never existed
Do you remember
The Summer of Love
Vietnam, mini-skirts and drugs
Rebellion was so much fun
Tell your own kids
to say no to that
Nostalgia for an age
That never existed
Turn that MTV racket off
So your folks can listen to "classic" rock
Mellow out to the same old songs
Again and again and again
Do you wonder or even care
How you wound up such a square
If you can’t stand "The Big Chill"
Get out of the freezer
Can’t stand The Big Chill
Get out of the freezer
Everything old is new again
It all comes back, just wait your turn
But somehow the magics always missing
Giving up on future dreams
To dwell on rosy memories
Will make sure your best days
are in the past
Nostalgia for an age that never existed
Nostalgia for an age that never existed
Do you remember
Being the first punk in your town
Outlaw #1
For the t-shirt you had on
Now you stay at home
Mad at the whole scene
For refusing to freeze
In 1983
Why can’t all the bands reform
Stick to playing thier old songs
It aint punk
If it aint just like the old days
That was then, this is now
Suckling up to the sacred cow
Can leave you stuck in the mud
With it’s remains
Nostalgia for an age that never existed
Nostalgia for an age that never existed
Mascot Mania
When I was young
Saw football games
At the great big stadium
Could tell the fans
From out of town
By the clown suits they had on
20,000 red cowboy hats
Means cornhuskers to you
Mickey Mouse beans
With tiger ears
Shows you cheer ol’ Mizzou
Let’s not forget the Razorbacks
From the U. of Arkansas
With plastic pig snouts
On thier heads
Soooooeeeeeeing, "How ‘bout them Hawgs?"
That’s mascot mania
I work all week
At a job I hate
Where everything goes wrong
Weekends what I live for
To your church I belong
I cross the street in San Francisco
When a chump comes out of a bar
Yelling "Forty-fuckin-Niners, man"
With his gold and red jacket on
In Cleveland, throwing dog biscuits
Shows how much you love them Browns
While Bronco fans just hang thier heads
When the Superbowl comes around
Raider jacket dollars
Got the White Sox wearin Black
Statues of Joe Paterno
Sold in gift shops at Penn State
That’s mascot mania
Don’t make fun of religious rituals
In any place
Lord help you if you laugh
While they do this with a straight face
Outside of the United States
It gets even more bizarre
In Tokyo they got a baseball team
They call the Carp
The Salmonbellies are the pride
Of New Westminster B.C.
C’mon Greg Werkman, what’s a Hoosier?
And why do they throw chairs?
When Sudbury Ontario’s
Hockey team scores a goal
They drag a stuffed wolf
Across the ice
A fan shot at it once, ya know
That’s mascot mania
Blue Streak
Horned Frogs
Long Horns
Trojans
Someone better tell Tipper Gore
About the names of these here teams
Tar Heals
Gamecocks
Blue Devils
Crimson Tide
Real indians
Sick of Redskins
And Tomohawk chops
It seems to me
That to stay mean
These names should change with time
The New York Muggers
Detroit Murders
And Chicago Mob
Boston Bigots
Texas Swindlers
And the L.A. Cops
Miami Drugs
New Jersey Dumps
Take on the Denver Smog
Seattle Fads
New Orleans Hoods
Milwaukee Cannibals
San Diego Jarheads
And the Arizona Drought
That’s mascot mania
Go, Carp, go!
Salmonbellies rule!
Hit ‘em harder Cops!
But, a hockey team called The Mighty Ducks?
Head explode when Dallas Oswalds
Meet Washington Bribes
Home team band plays Cop Killer
When L.A. comes to town
Pittsburg Polluters
Houston Drive-Bys
Don’t stir near the fear
When the Florida Abortion Bombers
Meet the SanFrancisco Queers
That’s mascot mania
Anywhere you go
The games the same old thing
Bet your money on the Bribes
They always win
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